The Luckiest

Dear Michael,

I have been busy making a special book in your memory. I wanted you to have a baby book of sorts, like your brothers did.  Obviously, it is a bit different than their books but I wanted to commemorate the times you were with us throughout pregnancy.  I love the book and can't wait until it comes in the mail.  I spent a lot of time picking out the cover of the book and eventually decided on a star pattern for the cover because it reminded me of the star blankets your brothers have.  I spent so much time selecting pictures for the book and trying to write the perfect words for you.  I decided to make it read like a storybook, envisioning that your brothers would read it one day.  It begins with a description of the day we found out we were pregnant with you and it ends with a description of the special gifts people gave us in your memory. 

Even though the book has an end, the story of you has not ended.  Daddy and I will always carry you in our hearts and you will always live in Heaven.  

Even though it was sad, I wanted to remember your delivery and have those pictures in the book too.  I wanted to look back and remember the love your daddy had for you...not that I would ever forget...pictures just have a way of conveying emotion so beautifully.  The pictures in your book capture the expression of pure love and sorrow on Daddy's face as we hold you.

Daddy was previewing the book online tonight before I ordered it.  He started sobbing as he read it and I held him...just like he has held me so many times before.  As his tears soaked my t-shirt, I thought of how he sobbed when he found out the news about you at the ultrasound...and how he sobbed after you were delivered.  I had never seen him cry like that before.  It was so sweet and heart-breaking at the same time. We both love you so much. 

Going through this experience has brought Daddy and I even closer together.  I know there will be plenty more bumps in the road of life as we get older.  I pray that Daddy and I will always be able to go through these bumps together. 

There is a song by Ben Folds called "The Luckiest" and I think of your daddy every time I listen to it:

I don't get many things right the first time,
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns the stumbles,
And falls brought me here
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face,
Now I see it every day
And I know

That I am, I am, I am, the luckiest

It is so fitting because I really do feel like the luckiest person alive.  I don't think it is possible for any two people to love each other as much as Daddy and I love each other.  I suppose most couples feel that way, or at least I hope they do.

I know that God brought us together to make each other stronger and better and to point each other back to Him.  Through all of this I have seen your daddy in a new way.  I have seen how big his heart really is...and how easily his heart can break.  I feel so lucky...and blessed...that he is mine. 

Love,
Mommy