Dear Michael,

So much time has passed since I have written to you.  But you know I think of you all the time, and we talk about you often.  I love that your brothers talk about you and that Lincoln still sleeps with his Michael bear.  He told me the other night that he always has to sleep with Michael bear or else he won't fall asleep. :) That made me happy. 

Your birthday is coming soon, just a few weeks away.  I have been less sad than last year but I am still sad.  Right now, I am very sad.  It has snowed a lot here lately and as I look out the window and see the snow I remember the snow that came following the day we held you in the hospital. I remember coming home on Valentine's day from the hospital and it just kept snowing and snowing. 

There are moments when I wish I could erase everything because my heart hurts so much. But as soon as that thought comes into my head, I push it away.  I push it away because I cannot imagine not having those months carrying you inside my body.  I cannot imagine not having my heart change the way that it has.  It has softened toward people in a way it never would have without you.  I think about how your short life has changed our hearts toward the pro-life movement and even though we were already pro-life before you, holding you and seeing you just made us even more passionate about it.  Especially Daddy.   He prays often in front of the abortion clinic downtown and I am so proud of him for doing that.  He loves you dearly. 

But those moments, the ones where my heart hurts so much, are not as frequent as they once were. And sometimes I feel guilty about that.  But I know that is how everyone says grief is...that as you go on the grief hits you less and less but it still hits just as hard when it actually hits. I long for the day to hold you in Heaven.  I love thinking about our family all together one day.  I love you so much Michael.

Love,
Mommy