Dear Michael,
Here I am again...sobbing late at night because my heart aches for you. It has been six months since you were born still. Six months since I said goodbye. So many details from that day are etched into my mind...one detail that I will forever cherish is holding you. Seeing your tiny self and being so in awe of you. One reason I am crying is just thinking of all the abortions that happen daily. I have seen what a baby looks like when he is still able to be aborted. Why does our country allow this? Women who have an unplanned pregnancy need support and help. They need education and to know their options (which should not include taking the life of another).
Tonight I watched a show called "Born This Way." It follows a group of people with Down's Syndrome. As someone who used to teach kids with disabilities (some of whom had Down's Syndrome), this show really affected me. I love how the show is so real and shows the emotions, dreams and relationships of these beautiful people. Yet, with prenatal testing, 67 percent of babies with this disability are aborted. I loved what one mom of a child with Down's Syndrome said..."finding out your child has this disability is the end of a dream...but it is the beginning of a NEW dream."
Countless times I have wished my dreams for you had not come to an end. I know you are experiencing things now that are way better than any dream I had for you here on Earth. But it still hurts.
It hurts when I look at your brothers playing together and you are not there. It hurts when we celebrate holidays and you aren't there. It hurts when someone says "three boys...wow!" because there are supposed to be four boys.
I often wonder what type of baby you would have been...would you have been a naturally good sleeper like Colson? Or would it have taken more effort to get you to sleep, like Lincoln and Andrew. Would you have taken a paci? Would you have liked the baby swing? I am sure as time passes I will always have those questions for you. Each year as February 13 passes, I will wonder...what would he be like?
I love you so much and I always will. Lincoln likes to pray for God to give you a hug from us. I pray that too.
God, please give Michael a big hug from me right now.
Love, Mommy
