Michael's Burial

Dear Michael,

Yesterday Daddy and I made the decision to bury you at Papa and Grandma's house because they have a beautiful wooded area as a part of their land.  We wanted some place out of the way but a place we could visit often and a place we could take your brothers to visit one day. As we walked around the wooded area looking for a spot, I felt like Daddy was leading me back in time.  Partly because Daddy was telling me all kinds of stories from his childhood and partly because I was wearing something that Daddy had worn in high school to keep me warm: his baseball team jacket.  Daddy shared with me the memories he had of playing in the woods with your uncles and listening to these memories reassured my heart that burying you in "his" woods was the best thing to do. 

We searched for the perfect spot for you.  When we saw an old baseball on the ground I felt like it was a sign that we should bury you where the baseball was laying.  Your Daddy probably hit that baseball at some point, and maybe your uncles too.  We both agreed it was the right spot for you and Daddy showed Papa where we wanted him to dig.  We drove back home, trying to prepare our hearts for what the next day would bring. 

Papa spent hours of the morning clearing a path leading up to your grave and he dug through rock to make the perfect resting place for you.  I was so touched by all he did.  When I apologized to him for having to do this on his birthday he replied that he was glad he got to do something for his grandson on his own birthday.  Papa is so kind...and he loves you so much.  After all of Papa's hard work, he went back to their house to give Daddy and me privacy. 

We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day to bury you!  The sky was blue, the air was fresh with the scent of early spring, and the sun was warm and shining brightly through the clouds.  There was a perfect breeze, strong enough to let us know God was there but gentle enough to let us know you were there too.  I felt like God made the beautiful day just for you.

It was around 2 o'clock in the afternoon when Daddy put your little box in the hole that Papa dug. Daddy began shoveling dirt into the hole and I shoveled a little in too.  I noticed an airplane flying over head and it made me smile because I thought of how much your brothers liked watching airplanes and it seemed appropriate that one would fly over at that moment. 

After we buried you, Daddy and I prayed and cried together.  As we prayed, gun shots rang in the distance (probably from someone having target practice) and it reminded me of a military salute at a soldier's funeral.  Even with the noises from the plane and gun, it was so peaceful.  I welcomed these loud sounds because they were such perfect sounds for a little boy. 

Daddy put his arm around me as we stood there looking at your resting place. I felt so loved by him in that moment and I could feel his deep love for you too.  As the sun shined through the trees and warmed our skin, I could feel God's love for us too.

This has been a very hard week and I am glad it is over...but sad too.  We have spent so much time planning your memorial service and burial and now there is nothing left to plan for you. Life has to go on.  It doesn't seem right to go back to our normal routines, but it has to be done. 

I know I will think of you everyday.  And I will talk about you often.  You will never be forgotten my sweet baby. 

I love you,
Mommy