Plane

Dear Michael,

I miss you a lot right now. I am on a plane back home from visiting Aunt Courtney and I started thinking of you and can barely hold back tears. Thankfully the flight attendant just sprayed a Coke everywhere on accident and it provided some comic relief for me.

There is a pregnant woman across from me and I looked over at her belly and could tell she was 30ish weeks and it just hurt that I never got that far with you.  I wish I could hold you again.  It stinks being so emotional on the plane. There is nowhere to go so I just have to awkwardly cry in my seat among strangers.

I feel like I am having another boy. I pray daily I will get to hold him alive. I am so scared. I know you are happy in Heaven but we still miss you, of course. Lincoln still does too. I am terrified of the same thing happening to the new baby because I cannot bare for Lincoln to hurt more. I think Colson is hurting too but he expresses it differently...through acting out.

I just want this all to be ok. I want to fast forward to January and have this baby in my arms. Of course, that will not take away how much I miss you.

I love you always.

Mommy