Dear Michael,
It has been a tough week for your mommy. My grief mixed with pregnancy hormones and sickness has taken a huge toll on me. I am drained and exhausted and depressed.
I miss you.
I want you here.
Your due date it coming soon, just three more days. I cannot help but think about how you should be here now. I have been dreading June coming to an end. It makes me sick thinking about it.
When I think about turning the calendar from June to July, my heart breaks. I wish I could fast forward to August. Honestly, I wish I could just fast forward to the birth of your little brother or sister. Just skip all the wondering and waiting and the pain I feel.
I am 10 weeks pregnant now. We still have not made it public. I am showing already though, partly because this is my 5th pregnancy and partly because my body was 19 weeks pregnant with you just 4.5 months ago.
I think about you everyday. We are going to have a cookout this Sunday for your due date. We asked people to bring children's books to it and we will donate them in your honor. I hope we will have a good turn out. I am telling myself not to take it personally if people don't. I just wish people would at least give a book to show that they know you mattered. I realize that not everyone will think of this the way that I do. Hopefully it will all turn out ok.
I love you!
Mommy
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