2016 is ending

Dear Michael,

Here we are...2016 is coming to a close and I just cannot believe it.  I missed you so much at Christmas.  I cried many tears the 24th and 25th...just wishing you were here.  Last year, a couple of weeks before Christmas, we announced you to everyone. We were so excited!  I remember being so excited last year, thinking of what it would be like to have you here to celebrate Christmas with us this year.  That didn't happen.  You celebrated with Jesus Christ though, which of course is more amazing than anything your old mom could have come up with :).  We got a stocking for you and bought a baby toy, a baby book and Christmas PJs to donate in your memory.  These are things I would have bought for you if you had been here.  I also got you an ornament for our tree which made me cry to look at, but also made me so happy.

The boys still talk about you often, including Andrew now!  One day, Andrew said "I wanna spell Michael."  That meant he wanted me to write your name on a piece of paper.  I was so happy to do it, that was the first time Andrew really acknowledged you out loud.  He was so late to start talking so we never really knew what he understood.  This made me think that he understood a lot more than we gave him credit for! 

We are anticipating the birth of your other brother, Isaac Benjamin, any week now.  For right now, I have decided that if Isaac does not come by January 19th, I want to be induced.  My midwife said that would be an option.  I just have so much anxiety about losing him too, even though I know medically there is no reason to have that fear.  I pray that he will come before that because I would like a completely natural birth but for now, I cannot imagine waiting longer than that.  I am looking forward to meeting him and holding him.  I wish I could hold you too my sweet one.  I love you so much and wish you were with us. 

Love,
Mommy