Beauty from the Storms

Dear Michael,

I was emotional all morning.  As I was driving home from my morning workout, I began to think about the Mother's Day Tea I was attending later at Lincoln's school. I had been looking forward to it for a while but I could not help but be reminded that I wouldn't have you with me for Mother's Day.  The emotion overtook me and the sobbing that has become so familiar began.

Tears streamed down my face as I drove and felt that ache in my heart, an ache reserved only for you.  I was thankful that Colson and Andrew were being relatively quiet as they seemed to be listening to the music on the radio. We were listening to our usual Christian music station.  As my sadness surrounded me, one of my favorite songs began to play: "Better is One Day."  I was comforted by the reminder that it is better to spend one day with the Lord than thousands here on Earth.

I know you are in the best place possible, and not just for one day, but for eternity!

As the song played and soothed my soul, I kept driving forward.  I noticed two different skies above me.  In front of me, there were white, puffy clouds in a sunny, light blue sky.  But when I looked in my rearview mirror, I saw a solid dark gray sky from the storm that had just passed.  The sky behind me was the color of charcoal and it was a contrasting backdrop for the bright green spring trees.  The sky behind me was so dark, yet so unusually beautiful.

I couldn't help but steal glances and look back at it as I drove toward the cheerful blue sky. The scene behind me took my breath away...it was just that beautiful.

I was reminded that when we go through the storms of life, which can be dark and scary, there is beauty in those times too...maybe not always in the midst of the storm...but in the aftermath.  My precious Michael, losing you was like being in a storm...it was dark and scary.  But it honestly has not been hard to find the beauty from this storm...there is beauty in how my heart and our family has been forever changed by you.

As I drove, the dark skies became distant behind me and the bright, sunny skies became closer.  While driving toward the calm blue sky and the gigantic, light clouds, I was reminded of our Father.   I was reminded of the hope I have for the future; hope as bright as the sky before me.  I must keep looking forward to Him and His promises.  I must keep savoring the moments of motherhood with your brothers, even if I can't savor them with you. 

I may be moving forward to sunny skies, and there is beauty in that too...but that doesn't mean I will forget the beauty that comes from the storms.